I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
