just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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