The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
