There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
