I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Did we literally take a cab across the street
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize