You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
