I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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