I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
