People in love make me want to vomit
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
