that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
