i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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