can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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