I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
