We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
