I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
