yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
