dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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