forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
