I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
