btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
