shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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