Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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