Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
