Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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