your parents love me but you hate me
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
