Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
