Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
