Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
