bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
