The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
