hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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