weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
