Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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