I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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