oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
