my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
