Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
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my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
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Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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