I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
