I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
