who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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