Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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