Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
