Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
