i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
