Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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