She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
