I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
