my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
