omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
