Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
