i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
