I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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