he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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