You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
