I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
