Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
