he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
