I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
too bad you live with your parents still
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
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She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
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It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter