I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
