ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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