I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
