I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
