You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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