Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
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sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
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My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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