Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
