also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
