there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
