did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think I died a long time ago.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
