that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
