coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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