i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
