I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
