whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
