i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
