i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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