you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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