Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
